#ONEword2015

Normally I do not mix my school and personal blogs. Each has a purpose for me, a job sort of. And my personal blogs' job is to let me reflect, remember, or just get something off my chest (no wise cracks here!)

But as I was scrolling through Twitter, at school, I noticed a new hashtag getting attention, or a few variations of it. To start the new year off on the right foot, there is a website for you to pick your #ONEword for 2015 (or #ONEword2015). What one word would you choose to define you, what you want to be and how you want to live day to day through 2015?

If you click on the link above, it takes you to the website and you can find your tribe (I love that! It makes this process feel so rugged and earthly. I feel the need to make a dress from tanned deer skin and braid my hair). So, I went there and started entering words, looking for my people. I used the standard cliches people use: empathy, forgiveness, courage, kindness, love. What did I find? Lots of other people picked those words as well.

But then I took a step back and really thought about this. What one word is going to describe how I want to live my life, who I want to be? There really is only one, and I've been working towards this for a year: PEACE.

Now I don't mean Peace in the worldly sense, as in Peace, Love, Hippy '60's, no war kind of thing. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for all that, really, but right now, at this point in my life, I recognize and respect the fact that the only person I can change and improve is me, and I've got a lot of work to do (again, NO wise cracks here!). For a year I have been looking for peace in my life. If I reflect and compare my life today to what it was 6 months ago, a year ago, 3 years ago, yes I have MUCH more peace now. But have I arrived? Am I at the end of my Peace journey?

For me, Peace is watching the sunrise over the fields in Minnesota (or Iowa or Nebraska, seriously people, it's the same in all these places, and it's majestic!). Peace is getting up in the morning, putting on my running shoes, shoving the headphones in my ears and finding a place where no one else is and I can run and reflect. (and I have the most profound thoughts and revelations during these runs, just ask me!) Peace is having a cup of coffee, sitting outside or in the porch and walking up to the day. It's loving on the dogs at night after they have played outside and just want attention.

Peace is knowing that my children and grandson are safe, they are happy, and they are loved. Peace is having a job I love and that challenges me. Peace is letting my students know how much they mean to me and what a difference they make in my life.

But most of all, peace is living everyday on my terms. No criticism to make me feel less than who I am. No second guessing my decisions or fear my actions will be deemed idiotic or immature. No pressure to conform to what others think I should be. No thoughts of inferiority, no emotional break down from being torn apart by people I should trust most. I can speak my mind because I have something important to say, something valuable to contribute to the conversation, without repercussion.

And someday peace will just be part of who I am, it won't be something I will be conscience of working towards, because I will have already found it, integrated it into who I am. And with that peace, I will be the me I was always suppose to be, the me that I am starting to see, the REAL me that I want people to know.

Peace is my word, the Peace people are my people, and with peace comes love and happiness. I've begun to learn that over the past year. So am I at the end of my Peace journey? Well, I'm not there yet, but I can see the light on the train, coming through the tunnel.

 

The Geese came by today.....

Written 12/21/14

I woke up this morning to a warm 36 degrees and fog. As I stepped outside it didn't feel like December in Minnesota, with Christmas only four days away. And then I heard the geese. I couldn't see them but I could hear them, for the longest time, honking to each other, communicating I imagine, as families do this time of year as they get together to celebrate the holiday season. And suddenly I was overcome with a wave of emotion I have not felt in some time.

My grandmother loved the sound of the geese flying over in the fall months. She was born in CT, raised in CA, but moved to NE after meeting and marrying my grandfather. I can't imagine the culture shock that must have been for her in the '40's. I've heard lots of stories, for instance going from always having indoor plumbing to having her own outhouse and pumping water to boil for a warm bath. (I will never take running water for granted, I promise!) And having to hang a side of beef in the attic for the winter, so there would be meat to eat (and so the animals wouldn't get at it!!) Holy crap! Refrigerator/freezer, have I told you lately that I love you!!

As I stood on the back step, and listened to the geese, tears fell down my face, big crocodile tears, I couldn't control them. I believe in signs. I believe that our loved ones that have left us come back in ways to let us know they are still around, protecting us, loving us. And I will take this gaggle of geese as a sign that my Grandma Penny stopped by to say hello today, 

I still miss you, everyday. I miss you kind words to and about everyone, they way you bustled around the house baking bread and doing housework. I remember you calling grandpa "daddy" and how you two would sit at the bar for breakfast or lunch, and you would rub his back. You would sing songs that you remember you mother singing, old Irish songs sometimes, and then would tell a story. I wish I had written them down. 

I strive to be kind and loving as I remember you being, and I work hard to be strong and overcoming of obstacles as I know you had to do. And mornings like this, when in am sure you stopped by, I slip on your sweater and feel your arms around me and for a moment feel safe and loved.