The Music of Our Lives

Isn't it funny how a song, a lyric, a melody can take you back to another place and time (boy, haven't heard that one before!) I am terribly, horribly, sickly sentimental. I'm talking over the top, saving stupid shit just because it had a sentimental attachment to some period in my life. For example, the pre wrap and tape from my knee, that I was wearing the time I got my PR in long jump, would be something I would hold onto in my "memory trunk", and look at once a year and ooh and aah over and say "remember when?" (I totally made that scenario up, maybe, but you get the picture!)

Jay, Me, Shane - Christmas 1975

Well I have spent a lot of time this summer listening to old memories. I've downloaded more memories this past year than ever before. I've created playlists in iTunes specific to this. Want to remember high school days, pretend to be 18 again, Playlist "80's'.  Having a bad day, want to cry it out, Playlist "Crying".  Go back to being a kid, the early days when I had nothing to worry about, Playlist "70's". Need to jam it out, pick any "Workout" Playlist. 

Me, Jay, Shane - 1987

Typically I tend to go back to pre-adult days to find the best memories. Back when there were no worries, no thoughts other than what was going to happen that day. Just my immediate family, the first family we all are born into, the one we think we want to get rid of, but find out in the worst times of our lives, these are the people that are there for you no matter what. I go back to when there were no lost loved ones, no broken hearts, dreams are still dreams you think will turn to reality. Why do we ever have to lose that? Oh that's right, we think getting out, no more parental rules, being the boss of our own lives, we can do better, life will be great. And for a long while it is, I think.

Granted, I started my adult life earlier than most, but I remember being optimistic.  I can't say that's the way things are everyday anymore.  The reality of life is it's life.  Life is not fair, life's a bitch! There are good days, there are bad days, good memories, bad memories, love comes and goes, friends come in and out of your life, and everyday we wake up and do it all again. Why do we torture ourselves? Stop the madness!!! Call it hope, call it faith, whatever trips your trigger, but it's life, for better or worse. 

       

Me & Jay - 1971

Me & Shane - 1985

This past week has been full of all kinds of emotions. There have been lots of songs this week, lots of smiles, lots of tears, lots of memories. And I always go back to my brothers. No matter what's going on in my life, my core is the three of us. And every August when this week rolls around, I have to remember it's just the two of us now. So out come the memories. Pictures, videos, music, any sentimental piece I've held on to that will allow be to be transcended back in time. Some of the old pictures I don't physically remember, I was far too young. But the more recent ones bring back smells, sounds, catch my breath type of emotion sending me into a whirlwind wishing and hoping I could turn back the clock, get one more hug, say one more I Love You, say goodbye one more time. 

And then I pick out a happy piece of sentiment, pull myself up by the boot straps, blow my nose, wipe the tears away, take a step forward to make new memories, and struggle to find some faith and hope that my life today will create some great memories for tomorrow. 

My deepest love to Jay-Jay and Shanie, forever my brothers, forever my guardians. I Love You!